a - z

i have had one hell of a time lately.
won't go into details but everything includes crying myself to sleep every night for the past two weeks - a flu - hospital - lots of sleeping pills and new shoes.
the new shoes part is good, of course.
:D
they're orbit. james' mum gave them to me. she's lovely. a bit manic and odd but i love her. she spends so much money on me. so, so much.
anyway...

um i found this. it made me cry. did i mention i cry too much? cause i do. way too much.


every morning now i write down on a piece of paper that everything will be okay because people keep telling me to tell myself good things so i am trying.
i am trying very, very hard. but i don't feel like i'm getting any better.

loving the weather at the moment here, very cold. nice.
doing an 'image portfolio' assignment in english class at school which should be very fun. i'll let you guys know how it all goes.
i also got my photos developed. i love love love some of them.
the colours are amazing.
my next goal is to get a lomo fisheye camera. i've always loved fisheye, and this is a film camera. plus, it uses the standard 35mm film which is great.



no post processing what so ever.
i really like the effect on the bottom one.
anyway,
all my love
x

hot trash

tin can radio.

sweet band. triple j unearthed, go find it. i'm too lazy to do it for you. plus my bandwidth is goneee.

so yeah :) while you're there - boy and bear. also very nice.

so i've been doing a lot of thinking in my down, sick time. i read a psychology university textbook (i feel smart) and i think i've worked out some things about myself.

i've got a very fear fear of being alone. almost a phobia, but not quite. being home alone, being alone in my room at night, going anywhere alone, hiding - they all scare me. oh, and a lot of other things about why life sucks and is pretty pointless. it's amazing what you think when you're not at school being told what to think.

my mother thinks i have depression and ocd, and my boyfriend thinks that i am developing anxiety. which is just, really cool, you know? i can agree with the ocd. it's horrid. everything has to be perfectly placed and clean or i can't ignore it.

by the way, everyone should go and watch requiem for a dream. it's one of those movies, that after it ends, you just sit there and you don't know what to think. you're just, stunned. beautiful music, too.

so yeah.
All my love.
x

If you live in Australia you probably would have heard about the terrible murder of Elliot Fletcher, a 13 year old boy who was stabbed by an other boy at his school and died in hospital.

Honestly, what the fuck.

What is being done about teenage violence? Oh right. Nothing.

Everyone seems to have it stuck in their mind that teenagers do it because of some mental issue, because of frustration at school, or bad home environments and upbringings. I'll tell you something that I know surer than i know anything else.

I know people like this. I know people who hurt people, to take peoples things, who frequently leave their peers in gutters unconcious. I'll tell you why the do it. Because they fucking find it fun. They cure their boredom with their own pathetic, dead-end road lives by hurting other people, by taking their things, by watching them bleed.

They do it because they can. Because they know that as long as the guy lives, and doesn't end up in hospital, they're not going to have anything happen to them. Nothing is done until someone ends up fucking dead.

dead.

They say they're trying to reduce the 'demand' for violence, instead of doing anything worthwhile. They're trying to help kids who want to hurt people for fun. They don't need help, they need to be locked up and taught a fucking lesson.

Nothing is done to adress the problem. These people, who go out every weekend and hurt others, they're the people who end up accidentally or purposely taking someone's life. Only then is something done.

No one understands that they only do it because they know everyone's scared of them. They know that the police might become aware - but what will they do? Even in the rare case that they are caught, they might, at the most be given a curfew for 9 o'clock. They might be put on probation. Oh okay, so you can only go out and hurt people during the day, and you can hurt people as long as you can run away before they catch you.

Ridiculous.

So so so.
I have to admit, I'm one of those people who buys shoes just to own them, then will probably end up never wear them.
Right now, I am so, so obsessed with Reiss's 'Georgia' peep-toe heels.



I usually don't like the peep-toe thing, but I don't seem to mind these.
At all, actually. I love anything lace-up, too. I've got way too many pairs of shoes that I've bought just because they're lace up.

These though, look at the heel. I think that's absolutely beautiful. I don't know what it is, but that thing winding around it makes me go aaaah.

Also, While we're on the subject, I honestly adore everything by Cesare Paciotti. They do a lot of leather (while I'm totally against real leather and fur) and stiletto-like lace up boots/heels. There's an article in the winter edition of Pop Magazine about singer/songwriter and leadsinger of The Distillers, Brody Dalle, and she's wearing the most amazing pair of Cesare Paciotti shoes I have ever seen, but I can't seem to find them anywhere else. I don't know, if you own the magazine or something go and look through it for the article.

It's pretty interesting actually - lovely photos too.

Anyway, I must be off.
I have a flu :/
It's horrid.

All my love,
x

close your eyes to see

Hey, I'm Rachel and I lack direction and clarity in my life.

This is my blog about things.

I'll try my best.

All my love.

x